It’s hard to decide what I love more: watching people stomp on real actual spiders, or watching William Shatner play a “young” “desirable” cowboy veterinarian.
As discussed in a recent 31 Scares Recap, KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS, directed by John Cardos, is a derivative, misogynist, un-scary mess that I assume was made to capitalize off the recent success of far superior nature scare JAWS (1975). Obviously, I loved it.
This movie has it all: campy acting, spiders that are clearly normal tarantulas, and rape-y flirtation under the constant threat of death. Plus it’s free to watch on YouTube, so you don’t even have to feel like you’re giving money to the people who thought abducting a woman from the side of the road was a good first date idea!
KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS is ideal fodder for a drinking game at your next cowboy-themed holiday party (we can have those now! But first – get your booster!). So grab some malt liquor (that’s what cowboys drink, right?) and saddle up your pony for this trashterpiece of a spider scare (that totally still scared me because spiders).
- When a character claims in earnest that William Shatner is a sexy desirable man, drink.
- Whenever there is a cow, drink.
- I love cows. Optionally you should also compliment the cow at this time.
- Whenever “flirting” is creepy or at an odd and inappropriate time, drink.
- When they FINALLY stomp some spiders, finish your drink.
- Whenever you yourself find William Shatner to be a sexy, desirable man, have some water, sweetie.
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